Embracing Life’s Ups and Downs | A Guide to Overcoming Disappointment
Disappointment is something we have all experienced many times.
It's that sinking feeling when things don't go according to plan, when someone behaves unexpectedly, or when a much-anticipated holiday gets cancelled. I’m currently facing this situation as I need to cancel a holiday I’ve been looking forward to due to an urgent family matter that requires my attention. It’s made me reflect on why we invest so much in planning for a future that is, by its very nature, unpredictable.
These moments of disappointment create that hollow ache in your chest when hopes are shattered, the deflating moment when reality fails to match your expectations. The fall from fantasy to reality can be hard to handle—the contrast between what we imagined would happen and what actually unfolds. Our minds get heavy, leaving us to wonder how to move forward. So, how can we manage it?
Understanding Disappointment and Its Origins
Letting go of control is a recurring theme in personal growth, and for good reason- it serves as the antidote to much of our suffering. Disappointment arises from the expectations we hold, which are shaped by our desires and our need to control how life unfolds.
However, life is filled with elements that are completely beyond our control. No matter how much we try to assess risks and avoid them, we can never fully predict the outcomes. One of the biggest revelations I’ve had on my journey is the importance of releasing expectations, and I recognise that doing so is easier said than done.
When we begin to identify the sources of our stress and anxiety, we often find that many of these factors are beyond our control, and this applies to everyone. When our daily decisions are influenced by unpredictable external factors, we end up fighting against the current rather than going with the flow.
The Power of Letting Go
Tapping into this flow means eliminating resistance in our experiences, which includes not becoming frustrated when things don’t go our way—an issue that often arises over smaller, more trivial matters like being stuck in traffic or facing a minor inconvenience. But what if we reframed more significant challenges such as not receiving a promotion. and viewed them as redirections?
Being stuck in traffic might delay you for a meeting, but if you see it as an opportunity to learn, you can gain valuable insight. You might decide to allow more time for your commute in the future and arrive punctually for important meetings. Not securing a job promotion despite your hard work can highlight how much your contributions are valued at your current company, and if you’ve been contemplating a career change, this could be a sign. When we cease to resist, we gain clarity by transforming these 'out of our control' moments into opportunities for growth or something better.
Intention-setting plays a significant role in my wellness events. For this ritual to take effect, we must view it as planting the seed for our vision; how it unfolds is where we need to remain detached. Sometimes, we may have to be redirected multiple times to reach our goal, while at other times, it may feel more effortless. The key is to remain present and aligned, allowing us to notice the signs, synchronicities, and opportunities that arise, enabling us to respond accordingly. This is the fundamental essence of conscious living.
The Physical Impact of Disappointment
We often overlook how disappointment manifests physically in our bodies. When our expectations are shattered, our bodies respond as if facing a genuine threat. Cortisol and adrenaline, our stress hormones, surge through our systems. Our shoulders tense, our breathing becomes shallow, and our digestive systems slow down. This physical response can linger long after the disappointing event, creating a cycle of tension that affects our overall well-being.
Simple techniques can help release the physical effects of disappointment:
Deep Breathing - Expand your belly on the inhale to signal safety to your nervous system. Just a few minutes of conscious breathing can significantly reduce stress hormones.
Movement - Engaging in gentle movement can help process stress hormones. Consider a walk, gentle stretches, or even a dance.
Nature - Stepping outside for a brief walk can reset your perspective when disappointment takes hold.
Practical Exercises for Letting Go
When disappointment strikes, having simple tools at the ready can make a significant difference. Understanding why we cling so tightly to how things should unfold can help unlock the resistance we experience. Try these journal prompts for clarity:
What expectation wasn’t met and why was I so attached to this particular outcome?
What past experiences might be influencing my strong reaction to this disappointment?
What am I ultimately trying to protect myself from by controlling this outcome?
What could happen if I don’t know the outcome, and can I be at peace with that uncertainty?
Once these have been identified, use EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) tapping to release the resistance and return to a feeling of safety. Tapping on specific acupressure points while acknowledging your feelings can help process emotions that may be stored physically.
Simple EFT Script for Disappointment
Begin by tapping gently on the side of your hand (karate chop point) while saying one of these setup statements:
"Even though I feel disappointed that [specific situation], I deeply and completely accept myself."
"It’s okay to feel disappointed about [specific situation]; I choose to trust that the alternative outcome is better."
Repeat this three times, choosing the statement that resonates most with you. Then tap through the following points while naming the specific emotions you’re feeling (e.g., "this frustration," "this sadness," "this anxiety," "this disappointment"):
Top of the head
Beginning of the eyebrow
Side of the eye
Under the eye
Under the nose
Chin
Collarbone
Under the arm
Take a deep breath. Check in with how you feel, and repeat if necessary, or perhaps shift to more positive statements such as:
"Even though I still feel some disappointment, I’m open to letting go and feeling safe with uncertainty."
"I choose to release my need to control this outcome."
"I trust in the unfolding of events beyond my expectations."
Redirecting Energy to Thankfulness
Cultivating thankfulness serves as a powerful antidote to disappointment. When we focus on what hasn’t gone to plan, we end up missing the countless things that are working well. Thankfulness isn’t about toxic positivity or denying your feelings but rather, it’s about redirecting your energy and choosing to focus on what’s working for you.
A simple practice is to name 3 to 5 things that you’re thankful for each night before bed. Focus on how these experiences made you feel, not just what happened. Connecting with the emotion makes the practice more powerful than merely listing items.
When disappointment feels particularly strong, try the "even though" approach: "Even though I didn’t get the promotion, I’m thankful for the skills I developed while working towards it." This acknowledges both your disappointment and the lessons it brought, creating a more balanced perspective.
The phrase "let go of control" may seem clichéd, but it holds the essential key to freeing ourselves from much of our suffering. By embracing uncertainty and releasing our grip on how things should unfold, we open ourselves to new possibilities and a deeper sense of peace. While this is a journey I am still navigating, I’ve found that it’s in these moments of letting go that we discover the strength to navigate life’s ups and downs, transforming disappointment into a pathway for personal growth.